Why do we imprison ourselves?
I haven't written a word for a while, I've had a "writers block", as some would call it. However, I could not find anything to write about. Firstly, I know I do not write to please others. Secondly, it usually comes naturally to me... Almost flows away like a fast-moving river non stop until it reaches the sea.
After a while, I realised it was not to do with finding inspirations or a topic to write. In fact, all I had to do was to STOP thinking and just write what floats around my mind(this sounds strange- almost like that little voice in our head).
I'm always trying to find something to keep me occupied; my mouth has to be constantly chewing or chatting, my hands have to have a pen, my phone or simply moving to a rhythm. Not forgetting my head-my mind- have to be constantly thinking. This led me to wonder around many questions;" am I losing my mind? Why can't I stop thinking? How can I relax?" Even asked myself, "who am I ?"
I just could not write anything to inspire or motivate anyone else while I was feeling as if I was losing my own sanity.
Hours passed, days passed, weeks passed and when I find myself extremely busy yet I'm laying in bed "doing nothing". This did not make anything sense to me.
I had to find myself again, I wanted to feel "normal" again. I needed to calm myself. But, this is not how nature intended it to be. I needed to accept the fact that I NEED to fill the blank spaces. This is who I am.
I cannot leave an empty space, I fear emptiness taking over. The need to fill an empty moment or keeping myself busy was who I am. This discovery, as you could call it, made me embrace those blank spaces and accept the person I have changed into.
What I have realised, no matter how much we want to be "normal" - there is no normal for everyone. We adapt and fit into situations, which some may disagree, this is who we are. No, you are not changing to be someone else, you are simply growing-not old- but wiser. The soul does not get old. It gets wiser and wiser.
Throughout this piece of writing, I was referring to my soul,as my physical body cannot keep occupied or fill the blanks most of the times, which keeps growing and seeking for more by filling the blanks.
And to finish with, I may be weird or sound unsettled but I sure have accepted who I am. I do not want to please any more, I just need to keep filling my blank spaces to keep going.
I had written this piece of writing in May but I could not bring myself to post it.
Now that I feel I am back on track, look out for some summer travel pieces!
Until next time, :D